General Tips on How to Talk to Someone With Allergies

Sometimes, when somebody you know gets diagnosed with severe anaphylactic allergies, you may feel uncomfortable because you do not know what to say. Here is a general list of Dos and Don'ts when engaging with somebody who has anaphylactic allergies.

Dos

Ask Them About Their Accommodations

• One thing that I always appreciate is when somebody asks me about what accommodations I need in order to be safe in the space that I am in. I always really like it when somebody asks me this because it shows me that the person I am speaking with actually cares about keeping me safe. Also, never assume that you know exactly what the person with allergies accommodations are. Every person with allergies is unique and their accommodations may differ from one another. So, it is important that you ask and never assume that you know what they need. 
  

Laugh At Their Jokes

• Sometimes the people around me take my allergies so seriously, that they feel they can't laugh at my self-deprecating jokes when I make them. If the person with the allergies is making a joke, do not be afraid to laugh along with them
  

Ask the Person Where they Keep Their Epi-pen

• I always make sure that my friends, family, and colleagues know where I keep my emergency medication and epi-pens. When someone asks me about where they are kept, I feel like they really care about my health.
  

Offer Them Care & Support After an Allergic Reaction

• After I have had an allergic reaction, it can sometimes take a week or two for me to physically recover. After some of my reactions, I have had friends pick me up from the hospital, my family dropped off my favourite snacks, I've had people offer to go pick up my prescriptions, and I had a lot of friends who reached out and sent me a kind message. All of these things were really kind, and something that has stuck with me for a long time. Something as simple as checking in after someone has an allergic reaction can have such a big impact

Let Them Know About Plans Changing in Advance 

• Having severe allergies means that sometimes going out can take some forethought and planning. So, whenever possible, it is important to let the person with allergies know about any plans changing so they can ensure the proper accommodations are in place so they can have a good time. An example of this is because of my latex allergy, I have to let different venues know not to have balloons on the premises, and if possible to remove any balloons 72 hours before I arrive. If I am not made aware of where I am going it can make it difficult for me to go to different places. 

Be Kind 

• It is important to remember that while at times it may be a bit of a hassle to make accommodations for individuals with allergies, it is so important that people around me make an effort to keep me safe. I always appreciate when people take the extra time to make sure that I feel included. Remember a little bit of kindness can go a long way. 

Don't's

Do not Point Out Allergies In A Public Manner 

• When someone has a severe life-threatening allergy, at times it can feel a little bit embarrassing because we feel different than everyone around us. When people feel the need to publicly announce that I have allergies it makes me incredibly uncomfortable and embarrassed. While I do appreciate that people are doing their best to keep me safe, there are better ways to go about letting others know that someone has an allergy rather than announcing to a large group of people that someone has allergies. Instead, signs could be put up, or an email could be sent stating that someone who regularly uses the space has an allergy. This way no one feels ostracized or embarrassed. 

Do Not Overly Sympathisize 

• I have had some unfortunate encounters when I had to explain my allergies and the accommodations I require in order to keep me safe. There are people who will say things like “I could never live like that” “Your life must be so difficult” and “You poor thing, I don’t know how you leave the house”. While I do think people were just trying to be nice, their comments can come across as demeaning. I am not suffering, and I am able to live a very happy and fulfilled life even with my allergies, and when people make comments about how much I am suffering it can be difficult to relay that while yes I do have allergies, I am still able to have a lot of fun. 

Never Assume 

• I have been left out of a lot of social gatherings because people assumed I would not be able to go because of my allergies. This left me feeling really excluded because I missed out on having fun because people had assumed that I was not able to do something. This could have been avoided if people had just asked me about what I am comfortable doing. 

Make Jokes At People’s Expense 

• I have had a few experiences where people in my life joke about exposing me to latex because it would be funny. I have also had people make comments like “If I had to eat like you I would kill myself” and “I would never be able to date someone like you”. While I do normally have a sense of humour and I don’t take things too seriously, comments like this are really hurtful and it makes me feel like people don’t understand the severity of my allergies and how much they actually impact me.

Ask Inappropriate Questions

• You should avoid asking people personal questions about their allergies such as (past reactions, how their romantic relationships are impacted, etc). People with allergies do not always feel comfortable disclosing their personal information. If you are curious about how certain things work with allergies, googling your questions is always a good option.

Do Not Try to Compare Experiences 

• When I have been explaining my experience of having severe life-threatening allergies, I have had people interrupt me to tell me that they completely relate because their seasonal allergies are a pain when it gets warm outside. While everyone experiences things differently, it is important to try not to compare situations because it can leave people feeling misunderstood. 

Do Not Assume that People With Allergies Know Everybody Who Has Allergies

• There is a common misconception that everyone with allergies knows one another (like we are all in some secret club or something hahaha). Do not assume that just because somebody has allergies they know everyone else who has the same allergy. It just doesn’t work like that.

Do Not Bring Up Traumatic Experiences With Allergies 

• When someone explains to you that they have a severe and life-threatening allergy, it may not be the best time to bring up that you heard about someone else having a crazy reaction, or that someone had recently passed away from allergies. Hearing about other people’s experiences with allergies could potentially be traumatic for individuals who also have allergies. It is important to be mindful and considerate about how the information you share may impact the other person.